Not
the tired where you’re groggy and just need extra sleep.
The
restless tired. The dangerous tired. The ‘I am done with this!’ tired.
Why?
I
was tired of competing with multiple screens: a TV, an ipad, 2 phones.
Tired
of competing with every professional and college sport broadcast – with the
exception of women’s sports because we don’t get those on our TV.
Tired
of competing with presidential news and daily “to do” list that have more
weight than US (as a couple).
Tired
of there always being one more chore before that project I want to get to can
be started.
Tired
of the same ol' same.
In
the end I was just tired.
Tired
of a world where we have to compete for a loved one’s attention.
Tired
of competing with society’s mandates.
Tired
of being a slave to fashion and trends.
Tired
of competing with society’s warp version of pretty.
Tired
of competing with a supermodel’s body image.
Mostly,
I am tired of not sharing with others.
Tired
of an environment where we don’t share our struggles or help carry each other’s
burdens.
If
we share too much, we are shunned.
If
we don’t share at all, what is the point?
Let
me share with you.
This
life can be exhausting.
But
I am no longer going to let the devil gain ground in my marriage, my body
image, my relationship with others, my thoughts, my speech, or my desires.
The
devil wants me to feel like I am second to the sports my husband and I both
like to watch.
The
devil wants me to think I have to compete for my husband’s attention.
The
devil loves for me to not have a healthy body image.
The
devil loves for my relationships with others to lack honesty and authenticity.
The
devil longs for my thoughts and speech to be down on myself, off putting to
others, and frankly unholy.
The
devil longs for my desires to be about me instead of the Lord.
The
only true competition I should be in today is being the best version of the
woman God created me to be. The only person I am in competition with is me.
Even the battles the devil tries to put me in the middle of are God’s. How
fortunate I am that I can be used as His warrior? Still, the battle is not
mine. The battle belongs to the Lord. (1 Samuel 17:47)
May
I compete daily to be the best version of myself. May I seek to improve from the
me I was yesterday. May I remember the me of today will have failures and
successes, and I can choose to use BOTH of those as building blocks vs.
carrying them as heavy boulders. (Still, a little weight training is
good for us, huh? It makes us stronger!) May we carry one another’s burdens and
realize our Lord wants to not only carry our burdens but to carry us. All of who we are - our trials and toils, our joys and sorrows, our hopes and dreams. He wants to carry each of us. May we find rest in His arms.
Lord, how can I grow weary when You are with me?!
May we each find our strength, our hope, our rest in Him!
Lord, how can I grow weary when You are with me?!
May we each find our strength, our hope, our rest in Him!
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