In the last few weeks, I have been struggling… I can see all the ways God blesses me. All the ways He provides. I know in almost all my posts since I started writing on this blog about two months ago have been about how God takes care of us.
I’m telling you it is like an annoying habit! You focus for just a few days on what God’s provided for you, and then it becomes a constant way your mind works. (It’s kind of like how people are doing 30 days of thanks on Facebook. I know it seems redundant and maybe even a little annoying to you, but you see for those people posting daily status updates on thanks has become a habit. A way of life for them.)
So, what’s my struggle? It is about love. Do you ever wonder about love? Why does your friend love you when you know your singing gets on her last nerve? Why does your significant other love you when you would rather recount your entire day in extreme detail while he just wants to watch the game? How about your parents? Why do they after all these years and all your selfish actions still love you? I struggle with love sometimes not giving love or loving others including their flaws, but sometimes I really wonder how someone could love me and all my flaws. You know we are not worthy of God’s grace, but He sent His son to die for our sins so that we through his grace could be saved by faith in Jesus Christ. Talk about love!
Still, sometimes I don’t feel worthy of love. I have felt that way today when I had to result to going to the doctor about anxiety so bad I have physical pains as a result. The thought kept creeping into my mind: will God be disappointed in me if I take medicine to calm my nerves? Shouldn’t I be able to pray and feel relief? Even in Sunday school we are studying Matthew and we recently discussed the verses in chapter six about not worrying (verses 25-34). The class talked for awhile about is there a difference between worrying and being anxious. Some felt worrying is where you sit down and take time mentally to be concerned when you should just give your thoughts and struggles to God, and being anxious is more of a physical reaction to thoughts and situations.
Either way I am not sure the difference between the two really matters. The main thing is to realize we are limited without God’s help. We must trust Him to see us through all things. Then, as far as wondering if He loves in spite of our limitations I found this verse to help me today:
“Steadfast love surrounds the One who trusts in the Lord” Psalms 32:10
I pray this verse helps you as it does me. Sometimes I take it upon myself to do everything possible to receive love: to pray for every single person on the sick list, to provide spiritual comfort to others, to walk in God’s will, to not only have compassion but be compassionate like Jesus, and to love as God loves. While all of this is good and biblically based, God didn’t call us to walk without Him. We are to trust Him for strength to provide comfort and friendship to others. When we pray for those who are sick, we are to pray knowing that God will answer those prayers (see James 5:15). We are to trust God in all things. His steadfast love will see us through by his remarkable grace and our faith in Him.
Have a great weekend!