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Lines in the Sand

We draw these imaginary lines in the sand… Then, the tide comes and we wonder why we must start again… We build our castle of sand and hope it stands… Then, the tide comes and we are displeased we must build again… We make our own plans as we dream on the shore, Then, the sun sets and we wish for more.
We wish for more time to enjoy the day. We wish our lines in the sand would stay. We wish our castles could be bigger and stronger. We wish our plans would happen now and not take any longer.
We draw these imaginary lines in the sand… Then, the tide comes and we wonder why we must start again… We build our castle of sand again… Then, the tide comes and we are displeased we must build again… We make our own plans as we dream on the shore Then, the sun sets and we wish for more.
We rise the next day and do all of this again.
We work to maintain, a new way we never entertain. We start each day as a new beginning. Always wishing for a new ending.
Yet, we continue to draw our lines in the sand. We build our temp…
Recent posts

Tired - Competition

That was it. I was tired.
Not the tired where I will sleep well because my rest was well earned. Not the tired where you’re groggy and just need extra sleep. The restless tired. The dangerous tired. The ‘I am done with this!’ tired. Why? I was tired of competing with multiple screens: a TV, an ipad, 2 phones. Tired of competing with every professional and college sport broadcast – with the exception of women’s sports because we don’t get those on our TV. Tired of competing with presidential news and daily “to do” list that have more weight than US (as a couple). Tired of there always being one more chore before that project I want to get to can be started. Tired of the same ol' same.
In the end I was just tired.
Tired of a world where we have to compete for a loved one’s attention. Tired of competing with society’s mandates. Tired of being a slave to fashion and trends. Tired of competing with society’s warp version of pretty. Tired of competing with a supermodel’s body image.
Mostly, I am tired …

Somewhere in Between

After yesterday's post, I have thought so much about an 'unspoken' group. A group of women who have circumstances which desperately need a light shone on them, I just want to ask you to consider those I'll call 'somewhere in between’…. Perhaps lost somewhere in between of should of and could have... Perhaps wondering between expectations and reality... Maybe even feeling desperately stranded between modesty and model... Those in the transitions we so rarely discuss…
The transition of college student to young professional – where resisting what is trendy and wearing what is appropriate for a specific work place is necessary for a job, where weight gain or weight loss as a result of this big life change can result in clothing that does not fit appropriately (perhaps weight gain has caused stress and that dress that fit a month ago is a little too short but a new dress can’t be afforded at this time…) & where a weight loss can cause shirts to drape in a manner that is …

Modesty vs. Model Appearance

A young friend of mine recently shared on Facebook a post that addressed how strict clothing rules for young girls particularly those in a Christian school are ‘set up’ for a huge learning curb and frankly at a deficit once those young women reach college. (The article written by Jory Micah goes on to correlate policing girls' and women's clothing to rape culture in the church and society.) Although I may not agree with every word in the article, I am glad to have read it. I see the validity that is presented. Having grown up in a modest home and attending a public school, I believe I faced the back and forth of expectations between a Christian environment and a secular one early on in life…

As I read comments and opinions on the article and my friend's Facebook post I began to wonder: Why do we feel as a society there has to be such a stark difference between a modest appearance and the look of a model.  Actually, the first connection I make when I hear ‘model’ is model Chr…

A Night on the Battle Field

I recently wrote a post titled, “A Day in the Life”, which describes some of the more basic and daily struggles of battling PCOS, chronic fatigue, and insomnia. This post builds on that premise and shares some of my internal battles.
I have always believed in praising God no matter the circumstances, yet I have come to more fully realize a truth. Our Lord does not call us to praise Him after the storm has passed. He desires us to worship Him even in the midst of the unsettled times. Knowing and realizing God’s truth are not always the same thing… Realizing and living His truths are not the same either. Then, there is sharing the Truths our Father gives us to His other children.
Sharing with others as we walk in the wilderness is DEFINITELY different than knowing, realizing, or wandering all together. In theory it is so much easier to share battles after they are won. Battles currently being fought don’t seem to call for sharing or celebrating especially when it feels like night has fallen and …

A Day in the Life

As I struggle with health issues that spur on additional difficulties and magnify existing problems, it is hard for others to understand and difficult even for me to fully communicate how desperately I need prayer and support (including professional help – for proper diagnose and insight in managing the minefield in which I am walking).
Here is a day in the life for me lately: I awake and simultaneously realize either: how tired I feel or how sore my body is. Neither are the best feeling to wake up and have. I pray and either grab a few more minutes of sleep… or I slowly rise and try to ignore the waves of nausea that wash over me. I put on an outfit I could wear a weak ago, but today is doesn’t fit well. I am too bloated to wear any of my business pants, yet I know today I will bleed through a skirt or dress... I end up in a dress that doesn’t zip all the way right now, but I can disguise the ill-fit with a jacket over the dress… maybe the hot flashes won’t happen today... I stand up from e…

Questions & Voices

As I have struggled with PCOS, insomnia, chronic fatigue, and weight gain, I spent a lot of time condemning myself. I’d chastise myself when I was so tired I had to sleep in my car during lunch. I’d criticize myself the days I didn’t make a significant work out happen. I began curating this environment of dissidence as I began believing my inner self critic more and more and not in a self-development way but in an unfavorable, un-survivable way.

I had handed the microphone to my inner critic and allowed that critic to squash my self-confidence and destroy my development. I became unable to deny the lies of that critic and the Devil built on my weakness.
As I broke down more and more, God persistently encouraged me to talk to someone. I struggled to share this specific weakness because there were so many unknowns. When I did begin to share with others all types of questions always arose before I could finish sharing: “What causes PCOS?” “Can’t you take some kind of medicine?” “Why don’t you ju…