Tired - Competition

That was it. I was tired.
Not the tired where I will sleep well because my rest was well earned.

Not the tired where you’re groggy and just need extra sleep.

The restless tired. The dangerous tired. The ‘I am done with this!’ tired.

Why?

I was tired of competing with multiple screens: a TV, an ipad, 2 phones.

Tired of competing with every professional and college sport broadcast – with the exception of women’s sports because we don’t get those on our TV.

Tired of competing with presidential news and daily “to do” list that have more weight than US (as a couple).

Tired of there always being one more chore before that project I want to get to can be started.

Tired of the same ol' same.

In the end I was just tired.

Tired of a world where we have to compete for a loved one’s attention.

Tired of competing with society’s mandates.

Tired of being a slave to fashion and trends.

Tired of competing with society’s warp version of pretty.

Tired of competing with a supermodel’s body image.

Mostly, I am tired of not sharing with others.

Tired of an environment where we don’t share our struggles or help carry each other’s burdens.

If we share too much, we are shunned.

If we don’t share at all, what is the point?

Let me share with you.

This life can be exhausting.

But I am no longer going to let the devil gain ground in my marriage, my body image, my relationship with others, my thoughts, my speech, or my desires.

The devil wants me to feel like I am second to the sports my husband and I both like to watch.

The devil wants me to think I have to compete for my husband’s attention.

The devil loves for me to not have a healthy body image.

The devil loves for my relationships with others to lack honesty and authenticity.

The devil longs for my thoughts and speech to be down on myself, off putting to others, and frankly unholy.

The devil longs for my desires to be about me instead of the Lord.

The only true competition I should be in today is being the best version of the woman God created me to be. The only person I am in competition with is me. Even the battles the devil tries to put me in the middle of are God’s. How fortunate I am that I can be used as His warrior? Still, the battle is not mine. The battle belongs to the Lord. (1 Samuel 17:47)

May I compete daily to be the best version of myself. May I seek to improve from the me I was yesterday. May I remember the me of today will have failures and successes, and I can choose to use BOTH of those as building blocks vs. carrying them as heavy boulders. (Still, a little weight training is good for us, huh? It makes us stronger!) May we carry one another’s burdens and realize our Lord wants to not only carry our burdens but to carry us. All of who we are - our trials and toils, our joys and sorrows, our hopes and dreams. He wants to carry each of us. May we find rest in His arms. 

Lord, how can I grow weary when You are with me?!
May we each find our strength, our hope, our rest in Him!