As I have
struggled with PCOS, insomnia, chronic fatigue, and weight gain, I spent a lot
of time condemning myself.
I’d
chastise myself when I was so tired I had to sleep in my car during lunch.
I’d criticize myself the days I didn’t make a significant work out happen.
I began
curating this environment of dissidence as I began believing my inner self
critic more and more and not in a self-development way but in an unfavorable, un-survivable
way.
I had
handed the microphone to my inner critic and allowed that critic to squash my
self-confidence and destroy my development. I became unable to deny the lies of
that critic and the Devil built on my weakness.
As I broke
down more and more, God persistently encouraged me to talk to someone. I
struggled to share this specific weakness because there were so many unknowns. When
I did begin to share with others all types of questions always arose before I
could finish sharing:
“What
causes PCOS?”
“Can’t you
take some kind of medicine?”
“Why don’t
you just stay up even though you’re tired? Then when you do go to bed you’ll be
able to sleep.”
“What do
you mean you’re tired when you wake up?”
“Are you
making exercise a priority? You’ll sleep better if you’re exhausted.”
“Are you
just stressed?”
“Do you eat
well?”
“Do you
prioritize what you choose to spend time doing?”
“Have you seen a doctor?”
“Have you
talked to someone?”
“You don’t
look sick.”
I finally
realized my Heavenly Father wanted me to accept the fact that I needed true
help. I have shared before I began seeing a Christian therapist (Read more about that here).
It was
during the VERY beginning of therapy that I learned something so important!! Please allow me to share: just like I gave my inner
critic the power to speak so loudly, I also have the power to turn that voice
down.
Wait!!...
....What?!
You know
the Bible teaches us this.
“Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever
is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever
is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise,
dwell on these things.”
Philippians 4:8
We choose
what and where our thoughts dwell.
“Watch over your heart with all diligence, For
from it flow the springs of life.” Proverbs 4:23
We must
guard our heart even in the times we are simply guarding our hearts against our
very own flesh.
“Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test
the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have
gone out into the world.” 1 John
4:1
May we not
be burdened with the anguish questions bring.
May we hear God’s
voice and allow Him to give us mercy, grace, and peace.
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