As I have struggled with PCOS, insomnia, chronic fatigue, and weight gain, I spent a lot of time condemning myself.
I’d chastise myself when I was so tired I had to sleep in my car during lunch.
I’d criticize myself the days I didn’t make a significant work out happen.
I began curating this environment of dissidence as I began believing my inner self critic more and more and not in a self-development way but in an unfavorable, un-survivable way.
I had handed the microphone to my inner critic and allowed that critic to squash my self-confidence and destroy my development. I became unable to deny the lies of that critic and the Devil built on my weakness.
As I broke down more and more, God persistently encouraged me to talk to someone. I struggled to share this specific weakness because there were so many unknowns. When I did begin to share with others all types of questions always arose before I could finish sharing:
“What causes PCOS?”
“Can’t you take some kind of medicine?”
“Why don’t you just stay up even though you’re tired? Then when you do go to bed you’ll be able to sleep.”
“What do you mean you’re tired when you wake up?”
“Are you making exercise a priority? You’ll sleep better if you’re exhausted.”
“Are you just stressed?”
“Do you eat well?”
“Do you prioritize what you choose to spend time doing?”
“Have you seen a doctor?”
“Have you talked to someone?”
“You don’t look sick.”
I finally realized my Heavenly Father wanted me to accept the fact that I needed true help. I have shared before I began seeing a Christian therapist (Read more about that here).
It was during the VERY beginning of therapy that I learned something so important!! Please allow me to share: just like I gave my inner critic the power to speak so loudly, I also have the power to turn that voice down.
You know the Bible teaches us this.
“Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.”
We choose what and where our thoughts dwell.
“Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life.” Proverbs 4:23
We must guard our heart even in the times we are simply guarding our hearts against our very own flesh.
“Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.” 1 John 4:1
May we not be burdened with the anguish questions bring.
May we hear God’s voice and allow Him to give us mercy, grace, and peace.